I Will Channel Lightning and Send It To You

In a word CARS. Americans love their cars, small ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones. American made, foreign made, legal ones, and yes even the politically correct " undocumented" ones. After all, there ARE 2.2 cars in every driveway, right? Or is that children? No matter; no other man-made device since the shields and lances of the ancient knights fulfills an ego like an automobile!

THEN they break down. Yessiree we hate car repairs and the accompanying bills that go with them. Lord knows I've had my fair share of your typical maintenance  and upkeep, so have you, I'm sure.

Not withstanding the 4 times I have been rear ended, I'll admit I've been pretty lucky and it's been smooth cruising since having Yoshi's Auto Body remove the magnets from my bumper and One Day Paint and Body remove Yoshi's " take me at my word that I'll refer others to you"  from my lift gate. I'm on a first name basis at Yoshi's and love love love these guys but my idea of referring to them was by word of mouth NOT  

painted on my tail gate. Not to mention it reeked suspiciously of  copyright infringement and I kept hearing "Open Open Open" ! Yoshi misses me terribly but sends his love often. We remain lovers from afar.

But alas, I digress. 

At the end of September my beloved automobile  lost communication with Mission Control; essentially it's transmission. Even I, being female and all, knew that a layer of plasma had not formed underneath the vehicle preventing said communication. After all it's not the Shuttle and deep down I KNEEEEEEEEEEW.   I cried, I stomped my feet, I wrung my hands, I kicked it's tires then sobbed for doing so, as I watched her being towed to the nearest Ford ER waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to soon at only 59,203 miles.

Sigh.. 

Yes, I said to Nick my service rep at Galpin Ford whom I've had a relationship with for the last 15 years, put the new tranny with the 3 year warranty into her. Save my baby Dr. Nick!

 Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaay,  I have her back, I'm 3,696 dollars and 11 cents poorer, but she's back! It's smooth sailing and all is well...

until mile 60,445!

WTF!! It's December 15th WHY is the "check engine" light on and WHY is the "overdrive" light continually flashing? This cannot be happening............this is not my idea of "deck the dashboard" for the holidays. Back you go.  Don't worry. I'm thinking as long as we hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely 88mph the instant the lightning strikes the tower... everything will be fine. Shit I can't accelerate past 30!!

"Hellllllllllllllo Nick, oh, it's the torque converter you say, and that's covered in my 3 year warranty you say?" Well, then by all means let's test out that new warranty in as much as  I totally  want to be assured that I am getting my $3,696 and 11 cents worth and so quickly too! Why I'm only at mile 60,445. Are you sure you wanna test it that soon?" 

I truly am still trying to be nice, after all Nick and I have a relationship and it IS the holidays and I do know that this is not HIS fault per se, but I am thinking  that maybe I should have been kissed first. That "ahhhhhhhh the lil' woman" thing that I'm sure all mechanics think whenever they are dealing with the female species at large when it comes to cars,  is goin' through my head repeatedly like a needle stuck in the groove of a 45. Maybe it's MY torque converter! 

 December 28th rolls around, my car is ready and I've returned the loaner which by the way, why is it that every loaner car, and even my own car after repairs, is given to me with a steering wheel that I need to locate the lifter for in order to remove said steering wheel from my crotch?!?! What is up with that you guys! You are not 9 and these are not roller coaster seats. Get a roll bar in your car and stop pretending in my car.... otherwise I WILL feel compelled to prove to you that yes, I really can walk and chew gum at the same time and that these

 

are my sensible every day shoes. 

 January 7th - mile 64,445  I write to keep my head from exploding Nick. Soooooooo, today you tell me it's a broken band in my new transmission. Really Nick? And you're sure it's not a turbine sensor? 'Cause I want you to know Nick that I'm really getting an unwanted education here and that for the record it's too late, my head has exploded.  

l

 My dear sweet Nick, here's what will happen. I no longer care what part you tell me is broken in my "new" transmission and for your convenience I'll even allow you to pick a part...however I am no longer participating in transmission bingo so your attempt at part picking will no doubt be pointless.

   

 You WILL be giving me another new transmission.

 

Oh, Ford, says it has to be above a certain dollar amount and  approved and that that's what my warranty is for? Let's see I brought you a bad transmission at 59,203 miles which in my not so humble opinion was bad enough and you gave me a new transmission that to date has not made it past 1,600 miles.... No Nick, I don't think so.   No, it's not doing the same thing it did the last time, remember Nick? Last time it was the torque converter. This time it did the same thing it did the first time! The first time required a new transmission.... and yet this time it's a broken band? Well if that's the case then it only needed a broken band replaced the first time according to that scenario. So your mission will now entail making sure whatever part you pick is above the amount that Ford requires to replace my new transmission with a newer transmission and oh, btw Nick, I'll be needing copies of every part order that was requisitioned from day one.

As I said earlier I'm getting quite an education Nick AND I have a new pair of kick ass shoes that I am smokin' hot in.

 

You just give me the word Nick and tell me which one of the  talking heads at Ford I need to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with and  I WILL channel lightning and send it! 

Somebody is gonna wish they had kissed me first.